Parenting 101 And The Untold Secret About Hugs.
Sandy and I have been spending a few days on the Gold Coast at Mal Emery’s StreetSmart Business School. This has exposed us to a sensational line up of very clever and knowledgeable people.
There is however a common thread through all their presentations, which to marketing people is perhaps not surprising. This common thread is Emotional Direct Response copy.
This type of copy is used in all sorts of mediums to enlist an emotional response from the prospect and move them to a specific outcome.
During a discussion with one of the conference guests Sandy asked me to explain the Hug Rule! After wrestling with my own emotions I successfully managed to explain it.
It goes like this:-
We humans are seething balls of emotions and as such respond to things based on feelings. As parents we need to recognise this and always act in a supportive and affirming way towards our children.
One of the ways we convey to our kids that everything is OK is to give them a hug. But the way we should hug is never actually taught to us and so we simply give different and potentially damaging hugs dependant on what we experienced from our parents.
Some people have good memories attached to hugs while others have bad. Still others are indifferent and attach no importance to a hug at all.
So, let me say for the record.
Hugs are the single most important act of affection a parent can offer their child and you should never underestimate the healing properties of a hug. When our kids are hurting from either physical or emotional pain a simple hug eases things immeasurably.
A child comes into our lives without instructions and so in an effort to aid those who have not yet worked it out, hug your kids. Tell them they are OK and that you love them no matter what! The importance of this cannot ever be overstated.
The Hug Rule!
This is a hard and fast rule that few know or understand. It is simple to implement and can completely restore broken little people and in truth we don’t ever actually out grow it.
Here is the process:-
- Offer the hug or accept the hug as the case may be.
- From here you must not let go.
- You as a parent are not permitted to break the hug.
- Only the child can break the hug. Only they know when the restoration is complete.
- The hug lasts as long as the child wants and there are no exceptions.
Now that you know the process you have no excuse. It is also now incumbent on you to inform other parents. This is not a command but rather information for parenting.
This rule was initially applied between Fathers and Daughters but I don’t believe it should be limited. It applies between parents and children regardless of gender.
This is a rule I learnt way too late in my career as a parent and I am actually saddened by this. However my girls all know the rule now and they know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I will never let go before them.
The challenge for you is now to carry on the knowledge and by doing so, heal future generations.
Together we can make this a better world.
2 comments
Konrad
November 17, 2011 at 1:11 pm (UTC 10) Link to this comment
Another Brilliant post Gary! this journey of Emotional Direct Response is Awesome! What you are writing on here is exactly how I am seeing the Journey,with my disability it will take me longer as I have to take time out so often with the pain and medication.I can only imagine what it must be like to be a part of Mal’s School,I have some of his material and have seen him present several times,of course he was the one who said those Awesome words to me “If you want to make money,learn the art of writing compelling words on paper.”
It’s so sad to see so many who struggle with life and if they learned about the emotions and understood the hug rule, life would be so much better.
Keep up the good work mate!
konrad
leanne
November 17, 2011 at 6:25 pm (UTC 10) Link to this comment
Gary, I had never heard of this rule until i spent timme with you and wished i had known it when my children where younger. It doesnt only have to be a rule for parents and children its a rule that needs to be be used with everyone we all love hugs I believe there should be more of them in this world. thanks for sharing this with us.